Coming to Terms
by ChangingTheCircumstances
Summary: Just a simple one-shot about how Castiel has to come to terms with the fact that he has fallen for Dean.


**Author's Note: This is my first Supernatural fanfic and I'll probably do more in the future. Since this is my first I look forward to your reviews and please tell me what you like and don't like.**

* * *

He sat there for what seemed liked the hundredth time. He kept thinking that maybe this was all caused because his vessel was ill somehow. Of course that was a lie and probably the worst one he could come up with but he tried anyway. Besides, there didn't seem to be any logical explanation that he could think of.

The hurt in Cas' chest seemed to be what people called heartache. However, as far as Cas could tell, when someone felt heartache it was because of emotional turmoil, the most common emotion being love. But that was also impossible. Angel's could feel emotion but the emotions that they felt were always very small and not very strong which meant that it couldn't mean love since love was one of the strongest emotions which also meant he couldn't have heartache.

Right?

But if that was true then why was he feeling like this. Nothing seemed to be making much sense anymore and his normally straight forward world had been turned upside down.

_Since when has your world ever been straight forward? I mean really, if you just accept it everything would make perfect since but you're too big headed to even comprehend that._

_Shut up._

And now of course he was talking to himself. Great, just great. He decided that if he tried to think of another topic that little voice in the back of his head would be silent. Castiel was pretty wrong about that so finally he decided to take time to think of what he felt in a more logical fashion. Cas decided to start with the first day he felt this.

…

_Cas had decided to help Sam and Dean with one of their hunts. They had said that they might need help so he came along. It took about five days to find the thing that they were looking for, a demon._

_In the fight, Castiel had dropped his weapon, leaving an opening for the demon. Cas could have easily taken it on but stupid Dean got in the way. He was cut across the chest with the demon's claws and the breath was completely knocked out of him. Nonetheless, this created a big enough distraction that Sam was able to kill it._

_However, he wasn't paying attention to Sam. Cas was paying attention to Dean instead. The way Dean had acted utterly baffled him. He looked at him and cocked his head in the way he always did when confused. "Dean, why did you do that? I would have been perfectly fine."_

_Dean was obviously in pain and was still breathing hard yet somehow he was able to flash the same smile he always did. "No idea. Maybe it was simply because I wanted to save you for once instead of the other way around."_

_Castiel's heart seemed to do several back flips as it began to beat as faster than a hummingbird's._

…

Castiel's heart seemed to repeat the same thing as he simply thought about the incident. He hated this so much. Why was he acting like this?

_You know why you're acting like this._

_Shut up._

If he had the possibility he would have stayed right where he was. Sadly it seemed like Dean was calling him and Cas just didn't have the heart to say no.

* * *

Sam frowned as he looked at Cas. He had his thinking face on as always and hadn't said a word yet which wasn't out of the usual but something just seemed off.

"Cas? Hey, Castiel!" Sam watched as Cas ever so slightly jolted but besides that kept his cool, calm composure. "You got anything yet?"

"Um, no. Sorry," Castiel said. Even though Castiel wouldn't say, he had actually not heard a word of what Sam had said. Instead, he had been thinking of Dean, his mind still trying to figure everything out.

As he thought of this, Dean glanced over at him. He smiled. "Hey, nobody's perfect," he replied as he nudged Cas with his shoulder.

Though he remained the same impassive person on the outside, on the inside his heart did another little flip and maybe even a somersault too.

* * *

It was another case

And Dean was actually leaning against him. He had seemed tired and now was nearly asleep against Cas.

It felt good, real good but he shouldn't be thinking of that. He was an angel of the Lord, warrior of God. Yet somehow he had begun to feel for Dean.

_Okay this is good you've begun to realize you have feelings, now on to the next step._

_What next step? There is no next step and there never will be._

Well, that's what Castiel was trying to convince himself into believing but there was still that small part of him that not only hoped for a next step but one after that as well.

It was about a week later on another case. Castiel watched as Sam cleaned Dean's wound and he couldn't help but think how attractive those muscles were.

_Good job. You know you feel some type of emotion for him and you think he looks attractive. Now put two and two together you bone head!_

"No, shut up!"

It was only after the silence that followed that Cas realized he had said the words out loud. Damn, it was almost like he was losing control of his own functions.

"You okay Cas?" Dean asked wearily. Sam also looked worried as he frowned at the angel.

"I'm . . . uh, I don't . . ." He was beginning to lose his cool, set expression. He tried to keep the straight face but the way he obviously didn't know what to say and the fact that he was sweating didn't help a bit.

"Cas?" asked Dean as he walked over him. "What's wrong?"

Dean placed his hand on his shoulder comfortingly. However, it did the exact opposite of comforting Cas. In fact, the touch made his heart seem to jump right out of his body. He couldn't take this and had no idea how to respond so he simply stepped back and left.

* * *

_Come on you know what you__'re feeling._

_I'm not feeling anything._

_Of course you are you're in-_

_Don't even say it!_

_Love._

Despite that the whole conversation had been in his head, just the fact that he had thought the word suddenly made him somewhat more relaxed as he mulled it over in his head.

"I'm . . . in love," he said slowly, tasting out the words on his tongue. He had meant it to sound more like a question but it had come out as a statement.

"I'm in love," he repeated once more. Now it seemed like his thoughts had been switched. The thoughts that had originally been denying everything were very small now.

_Where is your rationality? You can't be in love you're an angel for Christ's sake._

_I don't care._

_What do you mean you don't care?_

_I mean I am in love with Dean Winchester and I am not going to deny it any longer._

And before he could let any doubt slip into his mind, or back down, Castiel went to go confront Dean Winchester.

* * *

"Cas," Dean said, slightly surprised but pleased to see him all the same. He had been worried when Cas had left in such a hurry and with no word of where he was going but he was quite relieved now. However, that was short lived as he saw the way Cas seemed to be avoiding his eyes and the way his hands kept shaking. "Cas what's wrong?"

* * *

Cas realized that saying things to yourself and imagining you're saying it to someone else was completely different from actually facing that person. As he stood there a small doorway in his mind seemed to open up as he thought of all the ways this could go wrong. However, he was able to shut that door and took a deep breath before saying anything.

"Dean," Cas said softly, "I need to talk to you."

"Um, sure. Yeah, okay."

Cas let go of a sigh that he didn't know he had been holding. He was thankful that at least Dean had agreed to listen to what he was about to say. As he looked around, Cas also realized he was very thankful that Sam seemed to be out.

Dean sat down on the couch and motioned for Cas to come sit beside him. Cautiously Cas moved to Dean's side but once he was actually seated he let himself relax a bit. However, he still didn't look Dean in the eye.

"So what did you want to talk to me 'bout?" asked Dean curiously in his deep voice.

"I . . ." Cas stopped himself as he felt his heart flutter again. He took several more deep breathes and tried again. "I . . . that is, Dean . . . I think I might, that I am . . ."

"Cas," said Dean softly. He had absolutely no idea where this was going but it was obvious the angel seemed to be in what a human would call a 'mid life crisis' and he felt sorry for Cas since it was pretty clear that whatever this was it was new for him. "Cas whatever this is you can-"

Before he could even finish Cas blurted out what he had been trying to say the entire time. "I'm in love with you Dean Winchester!"

They froze, their eyes finally meeting for the first time that day. For a moment Castiel was afraid that he had made a distressing mistake as the silence held. He was almost ready to turn around and run away again when Dean's lips fell upon his.

They were ruff and, despite the fact the touch was so soft, it was probably the most blissful thing Cas had ever felt. This was his first real kiss.

They broke apart slightly and Dean gave him a goofy smile. "Does this mean I got to steal an Angel-of-the-Lord's first kiss?"

This time Cas closed the gap between them. As his lips pressed against Dean's he whispered, "Yes and you can steal my second and third kiss as well or however many you like."

As they kissed Dean's hands began to run down Cas' back and suddenly he realized that the trench coat was really getting in the way. They got rid of it pretty quickly and in a few minutes Dean's shirt was completely off and Cas' shirt was completely unbuttoned and opened. It was at this time Sam walked in.

They didn't even notice him.

* * *

Poor Sam had walked into the middle of one of the biggest make out sessions he'd ever seen. For a moment he just stared, not really knowing what to do. Finally, slowly, he closed the door and quickly made his way back to the Impala.

He was going to have nightmares for weeks.

* * *

Cas let Dean grab hold of him as he was dragged over to the bed. He fell backwards as Dean made him topple over onto it. His hands roamed around Dean's body, trying to feel and find every crevice of it.

Dean suddenly ground his hips into Cas' which made him groan in pure bliss.

_Your going to Hell for this_, said that small voice in the back of his head.

_I don't care._

Suddenly he let out another moan as Dean did it again. Cas bit the edges of Dean's neck as his hands stroked down his sides. It was already beginning to be to much for him and suddenly he came. After a few more times of grinding his hips into Cas Dean finally came as well.

He collapsed beside Cas, both of them breathing heavily. Dean turned slightly and nipped at Cas' neck a few more times as Cas gave him a half smile.

"Looks like I'll be the one to give you a lot of your firsts," said Dean with a smile.

For once, Castiel didn't have to ask what he meant and simply just smiled in return.


End file.
